Wednesday, January 12, 2011
My Lullaby (By my daughter Arial)
Who will I be when I get free? Can no one see me?
I walk, wander through my life. Using substance to escape the strife
That came from my choice. When I forgot I had a voice.
And all that came hence- Now called my existence
Who will I be when I get free? I don’t want you to help me.
The ‘me’ that was, is lost. The me that is, is lost
What part of me am I? I don’t know- when I fly.
But I like to fly. I like to feel so high.
But when I fall...I fall-landing in a stall
No one there but me Even if me is plenty
I find someone fun. With him I like to run.
He will take me flying, But I hide tears I’m crying.
So I fly to escape it- Going higher, just a bit
Using substance to escape the strife The fearful strife now my life
Who will I be when I get free? He does not see me.
Who truly am I? ...That was my lullaby.
I land in my stall. Higher I go- farther I must fall.
(But I like to fly!) ...Even if two years have now gone by.
I kill a life- new life. I fly to escape that guilt and strife.
My heart is freshly tearing. Just look at what I’m wearing!
This is not me! Not who I want to be!
But who am I? That was my lullaby.
I fall back to my same stall. The four walls, my stall,
(But I like to fly!) No matter the three years now gone by
Who will I be when I get free? Who is this person I now see?
And who am I? ...My lullaby.
The sky is too far up. So now I use a cup.
I fill it full. I feel its pull.
I do not want to fly now. The sky is just too high now.
(I like to float.) No matter I can’t afford a coat.
But when I float... I am pulled from my boat.
I am pulled, so far, far down. Then I drown.
I am alone. No place to call home.
If I fly- fall to a stall. If I float- drown too deep to call.
There is no strife. I have no life.
I want to die. Ending my silent cry
The cry I cry Watching the year crawl by
I do not fly- no longer float (Now I smoke!)
The peace I get...Making it easy to forget
When I floated and flew But it is over- now I knew
I knew all I’d done. What once seen as fun
My silent cry, my silence Nothing makes the difference
Who will I be when I get free? Who is me, where is she?
Who am I? That was my lullaby.
I fall, drown, and choke Not to mention I’m broke.
No friends, no cash Nothing that will last
I am alone. I cry. No one is allowed to hear my cry.
Avoiding the eyes of passers by They don’t want to see me cry
It is dark now...Can’t cry- not allowed.
I cannot fly- no money for coke. Or float or smoke...
She is different Why does she look bent?
Oh, I can see. That poor girl is me.
Who am I? Who can now see me?
...To hear my cry? That was my lullaby.
I don’t want to fly, float, or smoke. No coke, cups, and I don’t want to choke.
I want help. I need help. But who can hear my cry? I am tired of my lullaby.
But who will hear? I don’t let anyone near...
Who will I be once free? I want to see a new me.
Someone to hear me cry To change my lullaby
But I can’t do it, so I ask. “You don’t want your flask?”
...But even they can’t help me. Sometimes I agree that I am crazy.
I know I can get free! ...If someone would just see me.
So I listen to my same lullaby, Hating the six years gone by
Who will ever see me and how? “Child, I can see you now”
I know what I heard- No matter how absurd
No one else could hear me cry No one else could stop my lullaby
I had to ask for needed aid. He let me know my debt is paid.
He heard me cry that night Seen my whole plight
I read I plead I see...I see me. I am HE. He loves me.
I am not alone. He is my home
I fly with Him. I drown in Him.
Choking on His air Reminded He is there.
He can see me. He loves me.
He knows ‘who am I’ That is my new lullaby.
Who will I be when I get free? Depends... I am free from me.
In Him I’m alive, For Him I strive He is my new high With Him I love to fly.
This is BLISS! Hello, my name is...