My Lullaby (By my daughter Arial)

Who will I be when I get free? Can no one see me?

I walk, wander through my life. Using substance to escape the strife 

That came from my choice. When I forgot I had a voice.

And all that came hence- Now called my existence 

Who will I be when I get free? I don’t want you to help me.

The ‘me’ that was, is lost. The me that is, is lost 

What part of me am I? I don’t know- when I fly.

But I like to fly. I like to feel so high.  

But when I fall...I fall-landing in a stall

No one there but me Even if me is plenty 

I find someone fun. With him I like to run.

He will take me flying, But I hide tears I’m crying. 

So I fly to escape it- Going higher, just a bit

Using substance to escape the strife The fearful strife now my life 

Who will I be when I get free? He does not see me.

Who truly am I? ...That was my lullaby.

I land in my stall. Higher I go- farther I must fall.

(But I like to fly!) ...Even if two years have now gone by.

I kill a life- new life. I fly to escape that guilt and strife.

My heart is freshly tearing. Just look at what I’m wearing!

This is not me! Not who I want to be!

But who am I? That was my lullaby. 

I fall back to my same stall. The four walls, my stall,

(But I like to fly!) No matter the three years now gone by 

Who will I be when I get free? Who is this person I now see?

And who am I? ...My lullaby. 

The sky is too far up. So now I use a cup.

I fill it full. I feel its pull.

I do not want to fly now. The sky is just too high now.

(I like to float.) No matter I can’t afford a coat. 

But when I float... I am pulled from my boat.

I am pulled, so far, far down. Then I drown. 

I am alone. No place to call home.

If I fly- fall to a stall. If I float- drown too deep to call. 

There is no strife. I have no life.

I want to die. Ending my silent cry

The cry I cry Watching the year crawl by

I do not fly- no longer float (Now I smoke!) 

The peace I get...Making it easy to forget

When I floated and flew But it is over- now I knew 

I knew all I’d done. What once seen as fun

My silent cry, my silence Nothing makes the difference 

Who will I be when I get free? Who is me, where is she?

Who am I? That was my lullaby. 

I fall, drown, and choke Not to mention I’m broke.

No friends, no cash Nothing that will last 

I am alone. I cry. No one is allowed to hear my cry.

Avoiding the eyes of passers by They don’t want to see me cry  

It is dark now...Can’t cry- not allowed.

I cannot fly- no money for coke. Or float or smoke...

She is different Why does she look bent?

Oh, I can see. That poor girl is me. 

Who am I? Who can now see me?

...To hear my cry? That was my lullaby.

I don’t want to fly, float, or smoke. No coke, cups, and I don’t want to choke.

I want help. I need help. But who can hear my cry? I am tired of my lullaby.

But who will hear? I don’t let anyone near... 

Who will I be once free? I want to see a new me.

Someone to hear me cry To change my lullaby 

But I can’t do it, so I ask. “You don’t want your flask?”

...But even they can’t help me. Sometimes I agree that I am crazy. 

I know I can get free! ...If someone would just see me.

So I listen to my same lullaby, Hating the six years gone by 

Who will ever see me and how? “Child, I can see you now” 

I know what I heard- No matter how absurd

No one else could hear me cry No one else could stop my lullaby 

I had to ask for needed aid. He let me know my debt is paid.

He heard me cry that night Seen my whole plight 

I read I plead I see...I see me. I am HE. He loves me.

I am not alone. He is my home 

I fly with Him. I drown in Him.

Choking on His air Reminded He is there. 

He can see me. He loves me.

He knows ‘who am I’ That is my new lullaby. 

Who will I be when I get free? Depends... I am free from me.

In Him I’m alive, For Him I strive He is my new high With Him I love to fly.

This is BLISS! Hello, my name is...